Clandestiny

Writing is difficult. I’m just going to come out and say it because I can’t seem to get any other lines on the page. I have the desire, all the words floating above my head in the clouds, but something is missing. You can have all the drive and motivation in the world, but when it comes down to content, and how to string the right words together, it just really sucks. I’m not going to call it a writing block, it’s more like you’re in a car and have forgotten how to drive. I want to go somewhere, anywhere! It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m in motion.

I tried NaNoWriMo many times in the past. That’s just like when you’re in the car and you can’t take your foot off the pedal. No, I have to find the right balance of speeding, slowing down, stopping, turning, and beeping my horn. The creation of this tumblr is kind of my way of trying to remedy this situation. I used to call myself a writer all the time in my head. I imagined that I would become a famous authoress that people would look up to and would motivate other younger people to become just like me.

I put the blame on a horrible relationship I ended about a year ago, but it’s really hard to place the blame when he’s not even in my life anymore. He was a playwright who was so damn confident that he was going to be the next Shakespeare. He inflated himself up so much, and when he trashed my writing, saying how stupid it is, I felt like a popped balloon. Now I’m thinking, how could I let one person ruin a good thing for me? He was the only one who was negative about me as a writer and an artist, and as a human being. It’s time to stop blaming him. Time to start typing without looking back. Time to finally pull out of the driveway.

I’m not expecting many people to read anything I write on here. Some days it might be just my horrible rants about stuff that’s bothering me. Other days, something beautiful might spawn out of this huge head of mine. I don’t know, I have no expectations other that to get started. If people actually read this, it would be nice to know what you think. Constructive criticism is good. I’ll tell you what I don’t want though. I don’t want to write for anyone else. It sounds selfish, but how can I be pure and true to myself if I care so much about what other people think or want and expect of me? So even though I’m not setting many rules for myself in terms of content, I still need my boundaries. Also, I think I should mention that Kylee is not my real name. It’s a pen name I’ve used for as long as I can remember. I want to be anonymous for now. You won’t find out who I really am, it’s better this way. I’m beginning a new relationship here, one with my imagination.

I need to spend more time with my head in the clouds.

With much love,
Kylee